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death proofbaby
can’t you see i’m calling?
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![]() when i was a teenage psychopath i thought i could just not transition if i modeled myself after you if i watched every movie and became a famous filmmaker. for a while i lived as a murderess i really thought this would lead to fulfillment or that eventually i wouldn’t care that i could just live in movies that my desire to live in them would paradoxically erode desire altogether. you gave me a way to kill myself over and over repress my femininity because that is the goal of your work, self immolation with careful precision. ffs yes i’m upset about this your first film was all about guys you play the grodiest caricature of masculinity you could muster just deeply deeply unpleasant opening the film with the dick dick dick dick dick madonna monologue and it’s somehow euphoric. i’m sorry what man would give that speech what man thinks about this you are probably still thinking about madonna aren’t you? gender expression wrapped in denial. a man like you should wear a warning. in pulp fiction it’s about mia, whom you have stated sprang from nothing fully-formed. a woman we love who dies and is resurrected. wore that movie out to see her enjoy her milkshake and dance. i got that. mia was my angora sweater. that's a reference to your favorite movie of 94, ed wood. of course jackie brown is the most trans girl movie you ever made. it’s about smoking pot watching tv and fucking a tired tired robert de niro. it’s the movie pam grier deserved the movie every trans girl would make if given the opportunity to cast pam grier in anything. you’re not special. if you had actually transitioned jackie brown would’ve been more like a jane campion movie kinda? i’m addicted to you. your baby fever movie kill bill is a breeding fantasy but not in the same way as fabienne’s depiction in pulp fiction because fabienne and her desired potbelly was more about the trans girl thing of wanting to be a fat girl that scene with bruce willis is the closest you have ever come to actually shooting a normal complacent hetero sex scene and there’s no sex it’s still mostly cuddling longing fabienne being a ditz that’s one of the best examples of your writing chops actually the way you are able to embody being a trans girl on e without actually being on e. you are amazing at this i wish i could do that. i can’t remember which one of your interviews it was (i read all of them when i was a girl) but i remember you once talked about embodying the bride while writing kill bill. you talked about really getting into her head developing an increased interest in clothing. you talked about how your mannerisms changed said that you got manicures. method acting self-insertion these are things you pride yourself in when it comes to your work. the mary sue in kill bill is an anime girl menaced by harvey weinstein. if you had transitioned you would’ve still been under weinstein’s thumb a weinstein girl but would you have at least treated mira and uma better? would they have been more than self-inserts under the domineering eye of video store boy wonder? i hate this. the thing is qt you have the same taste in men as me. john travolta?? in the first movie you wrote you spell out the fact that you would definitely fuck elvis you even used to be elvis you were chow yun fat you were clint eastwood i know all of this you embodied the men you wanted to be until you got to make movies and then you started embodying the man you told yourself you were. you were never him. qt is an idea, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real qt, only an entity, something illusory, and though you can hide your cold gaze i can shake your hand and feel flesh gripping mine and maybe i can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable but you are simply not there. you play rapist #1 in planet terror and predictably suffer genital trauma. this is desire. this is wanting to fuck elvis but not as yourself. this is how true romance is a transition movie. christian slater (of course it’s christian slater) he is basically elvis he’s supposed to be you at the video store but you know who else you are? you’re alabama, a sex worker, a sonny chiba(!) fan, the girl who gets phone booth banged? by elvis??! and they have to get money because of course it’s for christian slater’s transition right?? that’s the subtext?? tony scott is great but mostly great if you’re a trans girl i know gay guys who hate top gun and find it boring but you get it. in your mind, to get top gun means you’re a gay man since it means you want to see tom cruise and val kilmer get it on in their mechs but listen to me that is not what this is this is secretly something trans girls want. i cannot communicate this to you if you don’t already know. this is my subtextual film criticism: death proof represents qt at his most indulgent. it’s a sort of career peak, the most hubris, the deepest dedication to being a girl that we’ve seen, the most serious commitment to hanging out with girls of course qt literally cameos just to spend time with them. yet a sort of distance remains even if the closeness to femininity necessitates destruction an adherence to the hollywood life qt constructed the life qt has maintained for decades as a means of escaping the nameless |
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